“Hello, I started this website for one reason: to share a secret.” I was intrigued. I love secrets. Whether they’re recipes, soap-opera stories of adultery or passwords to X-Box live accounts. It’s that strange pleasure of knowing even the most trivial scrap of information that others don’t. When you revealed that the secret was how to get free live-cams I was confused and disappointed. I knew you were just a pop-up but that offer of disclosure was what was keeping me from watching my illegal online-stream of Broad City. You tried to win me back with the promise that the free live-cam girls would do anything I wanted. I wasn’t swayed. You asked me if I was tired of paying for live cams as if it was as obvious as wanting free health care. I told your casual, regular Joe voice to fuck off, clicked the red “x” and began pretty seriously looking into getting Comedy Central.