FREE COSMETIC SURGERY!!!

CRITERIA FOR APPLICANTS:

  1. You’re generally fit.
  2. You live alone.
  3. You’re not a crazy person or a Mormon or anything like that.
  4. You’re willing to entertain a surgical procedure that will essentially make you into the image of my deceased mother. It should be noted that my mother was an incredibly beautiful woman, think Robin Wright circa Forrest Gump, but with even higher cheekbones.
  5. You’d be cool with developing a relationship with the “funder.” That relationship would include things like:
    • an evening phone call once a week where I tell you about the goings-on in my life and you hold a meaningful conversation and offer words of support when needed. (You are not afraid to be blunt but still retain a certain warmth while doing so)
    • a monthly dinner where you come over to my apartment, cook me a (vegan) meal (I’ll pay for groceries), and then we watch TV while you scratch my back.
    • after dinner you read to me from a fantasy/sci-fi novel of my choice before tucking me in, sending me off into the ever-changing seascape of slumber with a kiss on the forehead.
  6. You have a background in college-level athletics, preferably volleyball, and you often speak of the times you spent going to tournaments with your “girls,” on occasion referencing wild nights you would have while traveling with your team, stopping short of sharing any juicy details by saying “but that was another time, another me.” and winking at me cheekily.
  7. You’re lactose intolerant.

SERIOUS APPLICANTS ONLY, PLEASE!!

vancouver, BC > vancouver > personals > misc romance

Portrait by Derrick Fast for Portraits of Brief, Casual Encounters