“I’ll put your penis right up your nose!” That was not a taunt I’d ever heard before. I rolled over the complexity of the action in my mind. How would one even begin? It’s not like the target of your assault would sit idle as you worked to stretch their genitals into a nasal cavity that was only a dark spot on the horizon from the universally distant vantage point of the human crotch.

My childhood in the 90’s was littered with rumours of Marilyn Manson removing a rib so he could successfully fellate himself–friends and I used to tease one another about about wanting to have the procedure done (presumably because we’d all tried and failed without it)–but even if that was true and it had worked, would the penis be able to reach the twin orifices which were still a few floors above the mouth? And once again, even if it did, your subject would never submit to having such a surgery just so you could follow through on a jibe–this clearly wasn’t rational jeering.

I’ll fill your mouth with poop!” The other kid screeched and they both laughed. At least that was a little more realistic.