Senior’s Discount

I knew the allergy medicine was in another aisle but I couldn’t help but continue scrutinizing the effectiveness of competing antacids by shaking them around so I could watch over my shoulder as you browsed through the condoms. You held an elderly finger out like a divining rod and scanned the surprisingly large shelf, stocked with varieties and flavours I’d never heard of or would dare put on. A shaky digit hovered over a package that boasted it would “deliver warming and tingling sensations to both partners.”

From what I understood about the aging process, the body’s skin loosens and sags over time. If you weren’t circumcised I imagine your foreskin would be like a sweater with sleeves too long for the arms––you could probably just tie a knot with the excess and keep your pennies in your pocket. I thought about suggesting it when you found water and grabbed a box of Magnum: Ribbed. Whether due to envy or curiosity, there was never a moment in my life where I wanted to see an old man’s penis more.