Until I pulled the VISOR from his small plastic face, revealing the milky white of his eyes, I had felt suffocated by the guilt and shame that came with stealing him from the Drugstore my stepdad worked at. Those feelings enveloped me and made me sweat like I was wearing a Snuggy (which coincidentally, also makes me feel guilt and shame). But all of that was erased when I looked into the sightless eyes of my new Geordi La Forge action figure.

I held the Chief Engineering Officer of the USS Enterprise in the air, in space, as I strutted around the bathroom; my immediate refuge after smuggling my stolen goods home. Eventually he was beamed down to the bathtub, a solo mission to a crater on a hostile planet that he and his crew had received a distress signal from. Near the drain my Punisher action figure writhed in pain, his to scale Xenomorph assailant ready to rip into his overly defined chest. Then a loud knock at the door––my mom. Dear god, beam me up, I pleaded.